Horror Story or Comedy? The Choice is Yours
Hey Founder,
See if you know who made the following observation: “Hell on earth is when you believe your own stories as fact.” Was it:
Franz Kafka?
Edgar Allen Poe?
J.K. Rowling?
Rob Craven?
If you chose No. 4, you’re right! I’m not talking about stories as in works of fiction but rather the stories we make up in our heads about other peoples’ thoughts, feelings and motives, and our interpretations of situations based on our own thoughts, feelings and motives in the absence of facts.
We all make up stories, but sometimes these stories erect barriers to clear thinking and effective leadership. Through our work at ScalePassion we spend a lot of time supporting leaders and founders as they learn to separate story from fact.
We had occasion to do this recently when coaching an individual—we’ll call him “VP Scott”— who expressed deep disquiet about his CEO’s failure to “let go” and share power. This is a common dynamic in fast-growing companies and, when unaddressed, threatens a company’s ability to scale in a big way. So VP Scott wasn’t describing something that could never exist in the world, but he was spinning quite the horror story about what seemed to him a lack of trust from, and accountability by, his boss. He felt scared and vulnerable and wanted me to suggest a remedy.
I told VP Scott that he should go back and do the little exercise we discussed at his company retreat in which we separate fact from fiction. The exercise goes like this: If we set up a video recorder at the meeting to record exactly what occurred, the facts would have shown a bunch of people hunkered around a big table talking about new processes and creating new priorities. Period. The camera would have shown none of the behaviors or attitudes VP Scott attributed to the CEO.
In fact, I told him, the camera tape probably would have lent itself to comedy more than horror. “Here’s your assignment,” I told him with a smile. “Go home and write up a short comedy about a successful founder who built an amazing company and is trying to figure out how to get more talented people involved in running it. Look at it from his eyes as well as yours and other’s eyes. And instead of letting your fight or flight response govern you, let your curiosity explore different perspectives a bit so that you reach a place of neutrality rather than fear or anger.
“Most important, be clear about perspective: when are we seeing through your eyes and when through other eyes? The clearer you are on this—and the more aware you are that you are the author of whatever story you’re telling—the freer you will feel to change the story and adopt a new perspective.”
VP Scott’s eyes lit up after he heard this and he told me later he began playing around with the idea. Awareness is a powerful and often under-utilized leadership tool.
Sincerely,
Rob Craven, ScalePassion
PS: I learned this concept from my friends at Conscious Leadership Group and through The Work by Bryon Katie!
PPS: Another technique is to “check your story." VP Scott might go up to the founder and say, "I have made up a story about you. Mind if I check to see if it is true?" This takes courage and practice but offers the straightest path toward reducing/eliminating the drama that comes from believing your stories.
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